As a follow-up to my last post, I want to share a dream I had the very night I posted “Back to the Beginning”. I might be jumping ahead of what God is doing in me here, but I’m excited to see Him work.
Dream: I was preparing something like an omelet on a stove that was on the side of a street – yards and houses around. I had to walk over a mile one way to my house to bring each item needed for this omelet. I kept walking back and forth in preparing this. It was a hard effort. On my way back to the stove, a man came up behind me and supported my shoulders as I walked…I wasn’t at all sure why he’d do that. We were now in a crowd of people walking back to where my stove was. I started to notice I really was tired and did need the support he offered and relaxed a bit.
We arrive back in the area of my stove and people are milling around. I recalled on one of my trips that some people were giving me condemning looks for what I was doing. I also remembered there was one woman who hated what I was making. I reached my stove and realized she had thrown away my omelet. I was so hurt. The man who had been supporting me was trying to help me look for the skillet and we found it in the pile of dirty dishes. Some were upset for me, they offered me a place to sit at a table where they were sitting down to dinner – all out in the open yard areas – I didn’t want to join. I was so made. I started to cry, bowing my head, they all wanted to join hands. I prayed “Lord, I don’t want to hold their hands. I’m so hurt and mad.” When the woman who threw away my omelet started arguing with someone, the lady next to me started crying, I was crying, a man down from her stood up and lifted his hands saying: “Why would you even hear us God, look at us!” We were all disconnected and hurting.
I woke up crying, feeling God’s heart for the issues of the church and her disunity. I also awoke to my part in the disorder/disconnect/disunity: my own unwilling heart to be united, unwillingness to forgive, refusal to join-in and be apart of her, or even care about her.
I can tell you, anger/resentment/forgiveness is the equivalent of having fingers in your ears; it completely blocks your ability to hear God.
- Forgiveness is going to be the vital first step in our individual journeys to hear God, to be intimate with Him, and to eventually turn the church around and see the great revival we long for. I would ask you, as part of your pursuit of God, bring to Him your hurts, your pain, your rejections, your issues with the Church and ask Him to help you forgive her/them.
I can’t say I’ve arrived at it myself, I can say you won’t feel the people who have hurt you deserve it, I can say your list is probably valid and painful like mine, I can say Father God is agreeing with you that it wasn’t right, I can say you will feel justified in holding onto the offenses…but I can also say, in the revealing there will be healing, and that we (and the church) will never change as long as we hold-onto the offense instead of Him and each other.
I know I will have more to write on this as I, too, walk this out.