There is a big difference between the thought: “What can I do to make him like/want me” and “Who is a ‘Me’ I can respect?” Probably obvious to some or most, but maybe some have been hung-up there as I have.
• One important difference between those two lines of thought is the perspective of our own self.
To follow the trail of the first we have to come against our own self…we must not be pretty enough, skinny enough, something-enough or why else wouldn’t he be interested? We can torture ourselves with wondering what it is he didn’t like, what wasn’t enough?!
This trail of thought is void of self-respect/self-esteem. It can lead to desperation. Willingness to offer ourselves up to whoever would want us, instead of holding-out for someone who is good for us, fits us, and so importantly – values us.
Admittedly, for years, I’ve thought this way and didn’t even realize the problem with it. But now, let’s look at the second thought.
• “Who is a ‘Me’ I can respect?” leads us to a positive outlook on ourself vs. the negative.
I was shocked I had no answer at first, but then when I looked up the definition for Respect it became clearer.
I started thinking of things/characteristics I don’t respect in others, I looked at people I do respect and why I did. (This is really helpful too, even though it was about them, because if I respect a person for something in particular, maybe that is something to develop in me, if I don’t have it already.) And suddenly I was coming up with a list about myself that I both could respect and saw I didn’t respect and should work on.
Strange to be just addressing these things now in my life, but better late than never, right?
All my life, I’ve been so afraid to even consider opening up to dating or meeting anyone…maybe for fear of the rejection/hurt, and then I did it, I opened up to someone…and got rejected. Thankfully, he wasn’t hurtful about it. I doubt he knew how hard that was for me, or how it was the first time I’ve ever stepped out to say how I felt…but it’s going to be ok. With Jesus all things are healable.
So, in my desire to be open and share my faith-walk with you all, I share this too. I truly hope it helps someone out there to not be afraid anymore and that you too will investigate this question: “Who is a ‘Me’ I can respect?”.
• Make a list of what you respect (take pride in, proud of) about yourself.
Making a list of what you can be happy about yourself for changes your perspective about yourself. Suddenly, you start to realize:
You have a lot to offer someone
You are a great catch
You aren’t lacking anything
• Your standards are important to define, as well.
Don’t be so bent on “not being alone” that you settle for someone you won’t be happy with. It isn’t worth it – You are worth more than that.