Prison Diaries: That Day

That Day
started like any other

ugly turns come quickly

Where did I go wrong?
When did I become able to do that?
guilt rips at my gut
shame…I can’t feel clean

shatters me to pieces

Desperation…if only I could take it back…please!

please let me take it back…I can see that moment

please let me change what I did…

“I take it back”

“I take it back”

“I take it back”    screams thru me

would anyone care

it doesn’t change it

I can’t change it

I can’t take it back

But how do I live with it

What do I do?

The day ends

unspeakably different

It was only through two dreams the Lord allowed me to feel the gut wrenching guilt. I kept asking God, is this from the enemy or is this you? The dreams were nightmarish, and desperately condemning. When I woke from them I was so unbelievably relieved not to have committed the crimes, I praised God for days that I was not guilty of them. But they left their mark on me, and now I think I see the reason.

I’m here to tell you, not all people in prison love what they did to get there. Not all people in prison would do it again. The condemnation, hell, torment, guilt, and shame are punishment enough to last a lifetime, I believe, after feeling them.

But the Good News, we carry inside us, we are to use to be the Lord’s Hands, Feet, and Voice in this life. (Is.61:1, Rm.8:1) We are to tell all God does actually love them! He loves all people. People who offend us, people who have sinned against us, people who have hurt others…there is no limit or condition to God’s love.

We carry such incredibly Good News, that Jesus doesn’t condemn us when we sin! Our sin is no different from the most horrible sins you can think of. We can try to reason it away and explain it away, but God still won’t see it our way. When people fail, sin, and do horrible things, they are not removed from God’s list. Heaven, and Salvation are not exclusive, reserved for only the elite or the worthy. God’s heart and love are not only for the perfect who don’t ever sin – He came to save the lost, to redeem the life/all life in need of Him.

A Hand reaches toward me

Me?

He touches me with love

He actually touched me?

God?

You are real?

A Voice cuts through the pain and guilt

Me?

Lord, you would talk to me?

“Peace, Peace, be still”

“I love you”

“I forgive you”

Me?

You love, me?

“Yes, you!”

We have such Awesome News to share. The pain, the guilt, the shame can all be healed in Jesus. Not only healed, but Jesus takes the ashes of our past life and makes something beautiful with it.

Let us not withhold His love, forgiveness, and acceptance He so freely gave to us, completely unworthy as we all are, and dish it out freely to all who would receive Him.

No limits, no conditions – His love is FREE to all!

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5 thoughts on “Prison Diaries: That Day

    1. Thank you Glenda! I’m so glad it blessed you. One day, one moment we can’t take back, one root of anger and bitterness can change our life in such terrible ways. I pray God touches hearts with this.

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