For a lot of years I wished for normal.
Having a relationship with someone in prison isn’t acceptable to a lot of people, especially in the church. Matthew is my, now, fiancé. We grew up together; our families were connected before we were even born. I wasn’t even in high school yet when Matthew went to prison. I was 13, he was 15. I kept him a secret, for the most part, for a lot of years, and tried to live life as a “normal” kid. My friends had boyfriends and so I wanted to have boyfriends, and I did actually, by living two lives. (But that is a different post)
It isn’t a way to live, let me tell you! It became really confusing, I struggled with the question: how can I live a normal life and still keep this relationship? I tried to have the relationship I had with Matthew on paper with guys I could be around and be with. Sound weird? It was!
Proverbs 3: 5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
There was not a lot of understanding along the way, in others or myself. From others, I’ve been told to end the relationship more times than I know, because they “just wanted me to have a life, and be happy”. In my own understanding I had no idea how to have this relationship and live a normal life. Human understanding doesn’t compute waiting 27 years. Trusting in the Lord and not leaning on what I understood wasn’t in me to do at that point. I had my plans that I didn’t want to give up.
But… “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
For years I prayed: “God, why can’t my life just be normal?” Then, one night while praying a frustrated prayer, I heard so clearly: “Why do you want ordinary when I AM doing the extraordinary?
It suddenly became so clear to me that what I wanted, what I’d planned on having in this life, what others wanted for me, were so small and lacking in comparison to God’s great plan for me! God’s plan for me isn’t normal that’s for sure, it is extraordinary!
We all have things in our life that don’t turn out as we want. I have asked people “Is your life how you wanted it to be?” and all said “No”. There is no great “normal” to be in search of in this life, only a Great God who does the Extraordinary!