Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life.
15Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise,
I saw a commercial today for this girdle type garment that miraculously changes a woman’s figure to hide the flab that is there and make it appear as if it isn’t there. My thoughts quickly turned to how the women were only looking to hide the fat, actually saying that the fat was there to stay. Is that really right thinking?
It reminded me of how I’ve heard people talk about “winding up” in a relationship with someone who “all the sudden” became someone else. Could it be that the person was hiding “their flab” to one degree or another to be found attractive and acceptable, but over time the truth starts to surface?
Speaking as someone who has been in an epistolary relationship (relationship through letters) for 25 years, I can say that people don’t spend much time getting to know who someone really is after the “flab girdles” come off. In letters you have to talk to each other or there isn’t a letter. So many people ask me what we find to talk about to fill up so many pages. Well, there are a lot of topics and questions; what we think about current events, daily life, politics, religion, pet peeves, likes, dislikes, jokes, family stuff, what we want out of life, out of a marriage, out of a spouse…. it’s amazing how much you learn about someone’s thinking and especially about their heart when you take the time to talk to them. You can discover pretty quickly they aren’t the one for you, or you can discover all kinds of things you enjoy and appreciate.
I remember back in high school the term dating (as lived out) meant we were a couple, boyfriend & girlfriend. There was no “getting to know you” time in between the first date and being a couple. Why so serious so fast?
This is the point of disconnect I believe and where the trouble lies! How much time is spent asking questions, how much effort is put into really understanding what that person is all about? While we don’t know the answers, there is wisdom in guarding our hearts!! I think there needs to be a rewiring in our minds as to what dating relationships should be. Ultimately dates are what lead to marriage, which is why so many girls get their hearts involved quickly and are planning their wedding after the first kiss. So if marriage is the goal, then the dates themselves should be about getting to know someone, to find out who they are before the I Do’s.
Each person is different, uniquely shaped by their circumstances in life. Some people are wounded or scared from giving their heart to the wrong person that it takes time for them to let down their guard so you can see who they really are. Some people don’t even know who they are yet. Some people are pretty shallow and it won’t take very long to figure that out. Some people are deliberately hiding all the “flab” in hopes to snare you. It is worth some time of guarding your heart, some common sense, some being real with each other. The divorce rates back that up.
So the truth is, we don’t just wind up anywhere, with someone pulling a Jekyll & Hyde. Truth is we just didn’t take enough time at digging out who they really are to see if the long term is possible. Communication and time are the keys here!! I’m not advocating the type and length of relationship I’m in, but I am advocating taking the time to know who it is you’re going to give your heart too.
Whether we’re digging or not the truth will surface eventually!